So That Happened

"That" being a fictitious, weekend-long zombie apocalypse! What, you didn't notice all the unusual tweets? It was, in fact, an online project organized by writer Erin Underwoood.



My contribution began with last Friday's 512 Words or Fewer story and continued in the form of blog posts from Jasper and Tye right here on the HotSheet. Here's a handy chronological index (each link should open in a new window):

0. 512 Words or Fewer: "Welcome to PDX"
1. Jasper blog: "There goes the neighborhood!"
2. Tye blog: "why are there so many STRANGERS here today"
3. Jasper blog: "I am very hungry!"
4. Tye blog: "departure means SNACK and that's GOOD"
5. Jasper blog: "Humans are weird!"
6. Tye blog: "so BORED"
7. Jasper blog: "This bathroom is too small for three cats!"
8. Tye blog: "the FOOD is coming"
9. Jasper blog: "Some cats are too excitable!"
10. Tye blog: "some cats are LAME"
11. Jasper blog: "Why are humans so noisy!"
12. Tye blog: "it's NOT NICE to cry wolf"

Finally, don't worry: this was an entirely fictional zombie apocalypse. No humans, cats, or food robots were injured over the weekend, and Jasper and Tye continue to co-exist mostly in peace with Lady Grey (shown below)--who is, by the way, still up for adoption. Contact us if you know someone who'd like to give her a good home!

it's NOT NICE to cry wolf

hello... i'm TYE and i don't think it's very nice to have a thing that sounds like another thing when the new thing doesn't even do what the old thing did...

let me explain...

so i guess JASPER told you about the noisy humans who ran around and chased away the strange outdoor humans... well they used a weird noise machine to do that... and it sounded a LOT like the FOOD NOISE that FOOD ROBOT makes when it wants to feed us... i was very confused by that... LADY GREY agreed that it was almost exactly the same sound... except longer and louder... yeah i know THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID...

anyway... i figured out after the first few times that it was NOT FOOD ROBOT calling us... and i realized that if the noise came from OUTSIDE the apartment i could ignore it because it didn't mean we were going to get food...

now the good news is... our humans came back tonight just before dark and cleaned up all the mess and gave us wet cat food which is great... the bad news is... they also brought back one of those weird noise machines... i call it WEIRD NOISE ROBOT... because it's like FOOD ROBOT... except it makes the WEIRD NOISE and DOES NOT give us cat food... LAME...

the problem is... the humans put WEIRD NOISE ROBOT right outside the sliding glass door... so it's very close to FOOD ROBOT who is indoors... and when either one of them makes a noise... it sounds like it could be coming from the same place... so of course i have to RUSH out there and make sure i'm not missing any food... and usually it's a false alarm...

but the humans think it's important to have WEIRD NOISE ROBOT there... i heard them talking about how it would "repel" the strange outdoor humans if they got too close... and it seems to be working... which makes it less interesting for us cats to look out the windows now...

even so... i prefer having OUR humans home again... i missed hanging out with them in the TV room... and sleeping in the bed with them... and eating wet cat food... i like food... mmm... FOOD...



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Why are humans so noisy!

Jasper here! If there are any humans reading this blog please leave a comment and tell me why humans feel the need to be so noisy all the time!

As you know there have been lots of strange outdoor humans shuffling around the apartment complex since yesterday! But even though there have been a lot of them at least they were fairly quiet! They did groan quite continuously but it was at a polite volume! Not like these new humans who showed up in loud vehicles and shouted at each other and ran around setting off what sounded like firecrackers! Lots of them!

But that's not even the worst part! After they interrupted our cat nap with their running and banging, the new noisy humans brought out another kind of machine that made a sound very similar to Food Robot's food noise! Tye was so excited by it he kicked me in the side when he launched himself off the bed to run out there! And he was very disappointed after waiting in front of Food Robot for many minutes and no cat food came out!

The noisy humans have now moved on to another part of the complex with their weird sound machine, and they also seem to have gotten rid of most of the strange outdoor humans! Tye and Lady Grey are a little disappointed that they have fewer things to watch through the windows, but they'll get over it. I for one will appreciate the relative peace and quiet for as long as it lasts! Now back to napping!



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some cats are LAME

hello... i'm TYE and i don't see what's wrong with looking out the windows... we do it all the time... so what if there are some strange humans out there... it's not like they even notice us cats...

i will admit... it gave me pause when we first escaped the bathroom and i saw this huge mess on my way to FOOD ROBOT... the back area of the apartment next to the sliding glass door is totally wrecked... there's stuff everywhere... it's even WORSE than when the humans ran that GAME this summer...

the big wooden table has been BROKEN into pieces... also some of the chairs... and there are books and board game boxes scattered all over the floor... plus there's some weird sticky RED stuff spilled on the carpet... we have to step very carefully to avoid getting our paws dirty...

but whatever... the humans leave their stuff lying around all the time... maybe they were DISTRACTED by packing for their trip last night... and that's why it's worse than usual... i'm sure they'll clean it up after they get back... or the cat-sitter will when she gets here later...

meanwhile... like i said... i don't see a problem with looking out the windows... and we could even see the humans when they return... some other cats should just chill out...



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Some cats are too excitable!

Jasper here! I don't know what's going on out there but we appear to be safe for now!

So all three of us cats--Tye, Lady Grey, and me--were at the door, pushing on it and scratching it to make noise so the humans would hear us and let us out! We'd been in there all night, and we were ready to leave! Especially Tye, who wanted to go to Food Robot for our breakfast!

Well, the humans never showed up, but after several minutes of pawing at the round knobby thing, Tye did something to it that opened the door! And of course we were all leaning on it, so it flew open and banged against the wall, and Tye was off like a shot while Lady Grey and I observed cautiously! We came out after a few minutes, though, when nothing bad happened and we heard Tye crunching on the cat food.

The good news is, Food Robot remains undamaged! And though there are still a lot of those strange outdoor humans milling about on the grass, they don't seem to be interested in us or our cat food! Tye insists on watching them through the windows, even though I have a bad feeling about this! It doesn't help that Lady Grey is encouraging him with her own window-watching behavior. Be careful, you guys!



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the FOOD is coming

hello... i'm TYE and i know there is FOOD out there because i heard the FOOD NOISE that means FOOD ROBOT is going to give us FOOD soon and i want to EAT THE FOOD...

WHY did the humans lock us in here... i mean i know they gave us a bunch of food too but IT'S NOT THE SAME... i'm sure FOOD ROBOT misses us and will be wondering where we are... i'm really more concerned about FOOD ROBOT honestly... i just don't want it to be sad and lonely...

anyway... it took some convincing but JASPER is FINALLY helping LADY GREY and me with this bathroom door... he's SCRATCHING so the humans will hear us and remember that we're in here... LADY GREY is leaning against the door and pushing on it with me...

i'm also standing up and grabbing that round KNOBBY thing that the humans use to open the door... i still don't know how it works BUT it can't hurt to mess with it a little more...



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This bathroom is too small for three cats!

Jasper here! We're still locked in the bathroom, but we just heard the food noise through the door, and now Tye is frantic because we can't get to Food Robot! I hope the humans let us out soon, because there isn't much left to eat in here!

It's been a pretty weird night. First the humans locked us in here, then there were all those strange noises outside, and then Tye wanted to wrestle with Lady Grey and me because he couldn't run around! So of course all the rugs are messed up now and no good for sitting on! Not cool!

Oh great! Now Tye's scratching at the door and he's got Lady Grey all worked up too! Guys! I know you're hungry but stop freaking out! We'll be okay! Seriously, young cats these days!



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so BORED

hello... i'm TYE and i am SO BORED...

it sounds like the humans have left... there was a DOOR NOISE a while ago and it's been pretty quiet since then... i mean there are still strange noises from far away outside the apartment... but nothing inside...

unfortunately this BATHROOM we're trapped in is kind of small... i mean it's pretty spacious for a bathroom i guess... but there's not enough room for JASPER and LADY GREY and me to all sit on the COUNTER at once... and we don't have enough space to RUN and chase each other... i've had to resort to playing with WRESTLING... which they don't like so much...

oh well... i guess we'll go to SLEEP in a little while... at least the humans left plenty of food and water in here... plus one of their portable computers... so we can still look at CAT PICTURES ON THE INTERNET...



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Humans are weird!

Jasper here! I don't know what's going on, but humans are weird!

Tye and I were enjoying our midnight snack from Food Robot when another one of those strange outdoor humans came right up to the sliding glass door and started tapping at it! Of course, I went and hid under the bed right away, but I heard lots of noises for a while, like the humans were knocking things over!

Once the noises stopped, the humans came and dragged me out from under the bed! I complained, but they ignored me, and they smelled really bad--sweaty and salty and kind of garbage-y! Anyway, they threw me into the cat bathroom, where Tye and Lady Grey were already hanging out, and just closed the door with all three of us inside!

I've been complaining very loudly, and I can hear them moving around outside, but they keep ignoring us! Maybe they wanted all three of us to eat together for some reason? They put a whole bunch of food and water in here. But even Tye is done eating now! And he eats a lot! We're ready to come out and do something else now!

I guess I'll just keep reminding the humans to let us out. Humans can be very forgetful sometimes!



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departure means SNACK and that's GOOD

hello... i'm TYE and i am hoping to get fed again soon... i like FOOD...

the humans came home a while ago but they have been neglecting us... they were just on the phone with their friends and now they're arguing...

one of them said "we can't leave the cats here" and the other said "they'll be safer without us, the zed only go after dogs"... then they argued for a while about whether they should say "zed" or "walkers" or something else... i don't really understand what that's all about...

but they pulled out some luggage a while ago and they've been packing things... which means they're going to go out... and they always feed us a SNACK when they leave... and as i may have mentioned... i like FOOD... so that'll be good...



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I am very hungry!

Jasper here! The humans are home again, but even though I keep reminding them to feed us, they keep ignoring me! As if making phone calls and watching TV is more important than making sure cats don't starve! It's very inconsiderate!

For some reason they seem very interested in live news reports, and they're using both their telephones at once to call lots of different people! I don't know what the humans do when they go out, but usually when they come home they're glad to see Tye and me! (And I suppose Lady Grey too. We must be nice to our guests!)

This is very unusual! I hope they come to their senses and feed us soon!



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why are there so many STRANGERS here today

hello... i'm TYE and i have noticed some STRANGE things going on outside the apartment today...

the humans went out a while ago... so instead of playing with them i have been sitting in the WINDOW and enjoying the view of the outdoors... only today there have been many more humans than usual wandering around outside... and it's not children running around like there often are... these are ADULT humans chasing each other around...

also... i have seen a lot of DOGS going around without their human companions... i mean it's normal for us to see other animals out and about SANS HUMANITY... like cats and squirrels and birds... but dogs always have some kind of human nearby to clean up after them... it's pretty strange to see dogs without humans... and so MANY dogs too...

anyway... it's not that i have anything against dogs... but they're very noisy with all their BARKING... it's making JASPER and LADY GREY very uncomfortable... and it's hard to sleep with all that noise... i hope things get back to normal soon...



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There goes the neighborhood!

Jasper here! The humans just left a little while ago--we know they'll be gone for a while, because they gave us the traditional departure snack! But I hope they aren't gone too long, because weird things are happening around here!

Most days there are plenty of other humans walking to and fro outside our apartment, but today there's been a lot of unusual activity! Instead of just walking past--or running past, like the children do--there have been lots of humans shuffling about slowly. Some of them have even come up to our windows and scratched at the glass! I would expect that kind of behavior from a cat, but not from a human! I had to go hide under the bed several times.

Anyway, it doesn't seem to be bothering Tye or Lady Grey, since they're still running about madly and playing with each other. But I wish they'd keep it down! We don't want to attract too much attention--I don't like strange humans, they're usually bad news. Plus it's hard to nap when other cats are thundering about the place and crashing into you!



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Friday Flash Fiction: "Welcome to PDX"

As a matter of fact, yes, we have been watching a lot of Grimm lately. Why do you ask?

It's now been just over four years since DeeAnn and I moved to the Portland area, and we couldn't be happier with our decision. We've gotten to know some awesome friends, discovered beautiful locations, started new traditions, and overall have just had a lot of fun in our new home. Here's to many more fond memories of this place.

Hopefully, there won't be some kind of zombie apocalypse to ruin things.

Read "Welcome to PDX" at 512 Words or Fewer



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